Long time no blogging

Well, time flies. It seems as if just recently there were months and months until our wedding and now it's only 2.5 weeks away! I can't wait but at the same time I'm a little stressed out about the final touches and some important paperwork that we need to take care of.

I also had some health issues in the middle of all this. I've been on a mild antianxiety drug since my surgery last fall when I had a very sensitive stomach made worse by stress. Since we want to start a family pretty soon after the wedding, God willing, and this drug is not considered risk free during pregnancy my doctor and I decided I should try to go off it. I was hesitant since we have so much to think about right now, but I agreed do try. Bad idea! It went really well for a week or so but then I pretty much crashed into anxiety attacks and feeling nervous not being able to take deep breaths, and I actually ended up with a higher dose of the drug. We have now decided to let it be until after the wedding and then we're going to try switching both the anti anxiety drug and the proton pump inhibitor I take for my sensitive stomach to drugs that are considered safe during pregnancy. I will probably also do some cognitive behavior therapy starting late this summer. This problem has been building up for such a long time with all the health issues I have had and I need to deal with it.

I also need to wrap up my PhD studies before next spring so there are lots of things going on. I will pray and look for God to guide us on when a baby might fit into all this. I have been recommended by doctors not to wait longer than necessary with kids because of all the stuff my body's been through over the years. At the same time, I need to be in a good place mentally and emotionally too, so we'll see if and when it happens. We try so hard to plan everything, but the truth is we really can't plan anywhere near as much as we think we can. I have been a controll freak all my life and I am trying to learn step by step to trust God and let Him do the planning for me. :) To just BE in the present instead of wrecking my brain trying to figure out what to do in the future regarding work, family and all kinds of other practical things as well as trying to figure out my "purpose". Well I'm trying to just BE here now and let God lead me step by step.

I encourage you to pray for us, for health for us and our family and that all the remaining preparations for the wedding will run smoothly. :)

I will wrap up this blog post with Psalm 23:

"The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever."